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Marriage - a physical
union and a divine
institution (Pt. 2)
The role of the wife
Frank Borg
The physical family is
fashioned after the God
family; it is a
God-plane relationship.
Marriage is a physical
union but a divine
institution ordained of
God. God established and
ordained the physical
family unit to be the
Kingdom of God in
embryo, so our
families are to
symbolize this future
Kingdom!
Because of the human
potential and what the
physical family
represents, Satan
primarily targets the
marital institution. He
does all he can to
destroy family
because God is Family
and Satan has no
part in it! This
infuriates Satan because
he is filled with vanity
and lust (Is. 14:13-14)!
Through His inspired
Word, God has given us
the instruction
necessary to have
strong, united and
loving families. The
better we apply His
instruction, the more
joy will be evidenced in
our homes, the better
example we set of the
God-family and the
better equipped our
families will be to
withstand the wiles of
Satan the devil. We must
do our outmost to ensure
that we do what it takes
to effectively apply our
roles within marriage
and family. As soon as
cracks begin to appear
in our marriages, Satan
will quickly claw into
those cracks as he
subtly and slowly begins
to rip our families
apart: “Be sober, be
vigilant, because your
adversary the devil, as
a roaring lion, walketh
about, seeking whom he
may devour” (1 Peter
5:8). We must guard
against letting down!
In the first part of
this series, we took a
look at the role of the
husband and father
within the family. We
were reminded that as
the head of the family
(Eph. 5:25), the husband
must set the pace by
leading – he must
guide, protect, provide,
correct, love and be a
living example to his
wife and children. A
husband must allow
Christ to ‘come in the
flesh’ through him (1
John 4)! When husbands
do not fulfill their
god-given role within
marriage, the marital
relationship begins to
fall apart. Husbands
must lead their homes
the same way Christ
leads His Church. If the
husband (and father)
applies his god-given
role within the family,
the right environment
would be fostered to
promote growth and
development in his wife
and children. The
husband leads the
success or failure of
the family, but wives
also play a major part
in this. The extent to
which the wife submits
and fulfils her role
within the family helps
her husband to better
lead and fulfill his
role. It is very clear
that both the husband
and wife have important
roles to fulfill within
a marriage, and the
better they fulfill
these roles the better
team they forge for the
benefit of their
relationship and their
family.
For the purpose of this
article, we will delve
into the role of the
wife and mother within
the family. We will see
how important the wife’s
role is, and how the
degree to which she
effectively fulfills her
role contributes to the
overall functioning,
effectiveness and unity
of the family.
As brought out in the
first part of this
series, God uses
government to
conduct His purpose and
carry out His plan
through ‘family’.
Government must be
implemented in our
families: “But I would
have you know, that the
head of every man is
Christ; and the head of
the woman is the man;
and the head of Christ
is God” (1 Cor. 11:3).
The keys to God’s
government are love and
outgoing concern in
leadership and
submission!
Scripture clearly shows
that for the government
of God to work within
the family, the head
of household must lead
his wife and children in
love while the
other family members
must be in voluntary
submission: children
must submit to their
father and mother, the
wife must submit to her
husband, the husband
must submit to Christ.
Even Christ submits to
God the Father! God’s
government is
characterized by
leadership from the top
down and
submission from the
bottom up. This is
the structure of God’s
theocratic government
which must be
implemented in our
families if we are to
obey God and get it
right! If there is
dysfunctional government
administered in our
families there is
resultant disorder and
division.
Just as the husband (and
father) has an important
role to play within
marriage, the wife’s
role within the family
is also extremely
important and vital –
the ineffective
implementation of one
role hinders the
effectiveness of the
other. A woman’s
relationship with God
must always come
first and foremost;
after her relationship
with God comes her
responsibility in
marriage which is to
submit to, and support,
her husband (1 Cor.
11:7-9; Eph 5:22). A
wife is always beneath
her husband in level of
authority.
In this regard, the
bible also gives
instruction to wife’s
who are married to
unconverted mates. A
converted wife is
commanded to be in
subjection to her
unconverted husband so
long as her husband does
not cause her to disobey
God or violate His law.
A wife’s responsibility
is to God first and then
to her husband:
“Likewise, ye wives, be
in subjection to your
own husbands; that, if
any obey not the word,
they also may without
the word be won by the
conversation (Strong’s
391:’ conduct’) of
the wives” (1 Peter
3:1). God places so much
importance on the
conduct of the converted
mate! Women must be in
subjection to their
husbands even if their
mate is unconverted. The
principle is that wives
should submit to their
husbands as they submit
to God (Col 3:18). There
are eight scriptures in
the New Testament that
instruct women to
voluntarily submit
to the authority of the
husband: 1 Cor. 14:34;
Titus 2:4; Eph 5:22; Eph
5:24; Col 3:18; 1 Peter
3:1; 1 Tim 2:9; 1 Cor.
11:3. If a wife resists
or rejects submitting to
her husband, she
disobeys the authority
of her husband and
disobeys God.
The word “submit” in the
abovementioned
scriptures is translated
from the Greek word ‘hupotasso’(Strong’s
5293) and means: ‘to
subordinate’, ‘to be put
under obedience’, ‘to
subdue unto’, ‘to be
subject to’, ‘to be put
into subjection’, and,
‘to submit the self
unto'. The word ‘submit’
refers to someone who is
lower in rank but not in
value. Submission is an
act that demonstrates
the basic responsibility
of a wife, and clearly
indicates that it should
be done voluntarily.
When a wife submits to
her husband it
demonstrates faith in,
and obedience to, God
and His government.
Submission demonstrates
humility and obedience
to God.
As we have already
alluded to, a wife (and
mother) has a big part
in building the marriage
and family (Prov. 14:1);
her role is important
and crucial for the
cultivation of an
environment needed for
stability within the
family. As we shall see,
this is the central
theme of a wife’s role
within the marriage and
family.
Scripture clearly
demonstrates that a wife
(and mother) must keep
busy in the home with
the affairs of her
family. This requires a
lot of time and hard
work on her part. Many
wives in today’s society
are increasingly
shrugging-off their
household
responsibilities which,
in some cases, results
in them having idle time
or presents a situation
whereby the wife is
enticed into the
workforce even if the
family doesn’t need the
extra income - more on
this later. ‘Idle time’
typically results in
various forms of modern
day “entertainment”
becoming attractive and
taking over valuable
time which should be
used constructively.
This should not become
habit. If, for example,
women give in to the
temptation of idly
watching too much
television or spending
too much time out of the
home, the family will
suffer because that sort
of lifestyle is not
conducive to ‘building
the family’! On this
note, wives must be
careful not to give in
to the temptation of
gossiping with neighbors
or others. The bible
clearly warns against
this, also admonishing
wives to be careful to
conduct themselves in a
way which will not fuel
gossip in others (1 Tim.
5:13-14).
Titus 2:4 states that
wives should “be
discreet, chaste,
keepers at home, good,
obedient to their own
husbands, that the word
of God be not
blasphemed”. As already
mentioned, one of the
wife’s primary
responsibilities within
the family is to be a
‘keeper at home’ – the
family depends on this
and so does society at
large! We must always
keep in mind that family
is the foundation of
society, and our
families are no
exception. A great
responsibility is placed
on a husband and wife to
fulfill their roles
within the family unit
so that the best
possible example is set
for the family and for
the community!
Proverbs 31 is a chapter
devoted to the
responsibilities of the
wife and homemaker. This
chapter talks about a
mother teaching and
demonstrating to her son
– King Lemuel – on how a
mother is to build,
teach, keep and guide
her family. This is a
very important chapter
which must be studied in
great detail if we are
to understand the role
of a wife and mother.
Proverbs 31:10 states
this about a good wife:
“Who can find a virtuous
woman? For her price
is far above rubies”!
A Proverbs 31 wife is a
unique treasure
indicating that the real
value of a virtuous wife
should never be
underestimated! Because
of the inadequate
training that parents
give their children
these days, a Proverbs
31 wife is becoming
increasingly rare. Let
us take a look at the
qualities of a Proverbs
31 wife:
A Proverbs 31 wife is
trustworthy and
confident in her role
(Strong’s no. 982, vs.
11). Evidently, the
parents of the ‘virtuous
wife’ trained her as a
child in the art of
housekeeping. This
outlines the
responsibility that a
mother has to diligently
teach and train her
daughter in every aspect
of housekeeping so that
she will be well
prepared for her future
role as a wife. Mothers
must teach daughters how
to keep a house, cook,
sew and more, so that
she can be confident
when she fulfills her
future role in marriage.
Because of her proper
upbringing, a husband
can safely trust his
wife to properly take
care of his household.
The onus is on the
parents to teach their
children and prepare
them for adulthood!
A virtuous wife will do
everything in her power
to please her husband
(vs. 12); she will serve
him, keep the home in
order, cook healthy food
etc., and will do what
she can to ensure her
husband’s happiness. It
is in her nature to do
good! She is resourceful
and creative in the
family sphere (vs. 13),
shops around to find the
best deals to ensure
that the family dollar
stretches as far as
possible (vs. 14). A
Proverbs 31 wife wakes
up early enough to
ensure that her husband
and children are fed and
have all they need to
get their day under way
in the best possible way
(vs. 15): “She riseth
also while it is yet
night, and giveth meat
to her household, and
a portion to her maidens”.
The phrase ‘and a
portion to her maidens’
indicates that there is
a lot that is involved
with the running of a
home and family which
means that a wife needs
help to get all the
chores done. Often,
daughters will help
their mothers, and in so
doing will obtain the
necessary training for
her future role as wife
and mother.
Proverbs 31:16 tells us
that a husband should
delegate decision-making
power to his wife. A
virtuous wife is hard
working; she also makes
good decisions, looks
for bargains, in the
interest of her family
(vs. 16). A virtuous
wife does what she can
to keep herself healthy
which indicates that she
will do the same for all
members of her family
(vs. 17). “She girds her
loins with strength, and
strengtheneth her arms”
(vs. 17) indicating that
she also involves
herself in healthy
exercise.
Scripture indicates that
the work of a wife and
mother continues late
into the night (verse
18). It is in her nature
to work to serve her
family and others (vs.
19-20). A virtuous wife
also plans ahead for
herself and her family
which means she is a
good organizer in the
home (vs. 21). As a good
planner, the virtuous
wife will use well the
weekly preparation day
(Friday). She will
ensure that everything
needed for the Sabbath
day is prepared in
advance (Luke 23:54)
including, for example,
food preparation,
setting out family
clothes which will be
used, and other things
the wife knows the
family will need on the
Sabbath day. A woman is
detail oriented, and
this strength helps her
with planning and
preparation.
Proverbs 31:22 indicates
that a virtuous wife
dresses appropriately
and modestly. Her
clothing should
represent the best
quality clothing the
family can afford: “her
clothing is silk and
purple” (vs. 22).
Importantly, the right
balance needs to be
struck as God does not
want us to place undue
emphasis on the self
because that focus will
naturally and easily
lead to vanity (Prov.
31:30). It is important
for a wife to display
balance in the type of
clothing and jewelry
that she wears (1 Tim.
2:9), ensuring that her
appearance is always
neat and becoming of a
begotten member of the
God family. More than
outward appearance, it
is the conversion
of a wife that should be
most important to a
husband and this real
beauty comes from
within.
Proverbs 31 has more to
say about the virtuous
wife; she is a woman who
feels that her husband
is respected in the
community (vs. 23). This
helps the wife feel
secure. She strives to
maintain a positive
mental outlook (vs. 25),
is wise, intelligent and
has good sense because
she cultivates her mind;
she is kind, loving and
merciful (vs. 26). As
head of the family, the
husband has the
responsibility to ensure
the stability and
security within the
marriage, and he does
this by loving,
encouraging and praising
his wife. This type of
leadership cultivates
the right environment
for the security and
wellbeing of all members
of his family. However,
for these positive
fruits to be borne, God
must always be kept
in the center of the
marital relationship!
A wife and mother will
sometimes work outside
the home (Prov. 31:24).
However, in taking
employment, she should
respond to her husband’s
true desires, helping to
serve her family’s true
needs. Situations where
the wife works to
supplement the family
income should be
distinctly fewer for
mothers with young
children. Caring for the
husband and children
should be a wife’s
desire and priority.
Parents need to be
mindful of the possible
negative repercussions
on their young children
and society at large,
when the mother leaves
the house to join the
workforce. If mothers
need to work they are
encouraged to configure
their work hours around
their children’s
schedule so that they
are not be left to their
own devices! Wives will
ensure that children
keep the right company
and do not adopt bad
habits and wrong
influences. Mothers are
to ensure that children
do not idle away their
time, but are given
projects and tasks that
will train them, and
keep their minds and
bodies active and alert
(vs. 27). A good mother
understands that
children who are trained
in the proper way will
not disappoint her or
the family: “Train up a
child in the way he
should go: and when he
is old, he will not
depart from it” (Prov.
22:6). This fruit gives
testimony to the
excellence of the wife
(Prov. 31:29).
“Her children arise up,
and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he
praiseth her” (Prov.
31:28). Proverbs 31
outlines the standard
that God sets for wives.
God honors the attitude
of a wife that strives
to build her home and
family according to His
Word; the husband and
family will also respond
positively to a Proverbs
31 wife. The fruit of
her labor of love will
reflect in the support,
happiness and prosperity
(Strong’s 833) of her
family. A Proverbs 31
wife doesn’t demand
respect from her husband
and children - she earns
it! In fact, a virtuous
wife is a ‘crown to her
husband’ (Prov. 12:4)
and will be honored for
her part in fearing God
and building the family.
She is a delight to God,
to her husband and
family and will be
rewarded for her hard
work (Prov. 31:28, 31)!
So far in this series,
we have briefly covered
the roles of the husband
and wife in marriage. We
have seen how every wife
has a unique opportunity
to be married to Jesus
Christ in the flesh, if
he lives by the spirit
of God. A wife must
submit to Christ in the
flesh in her husband –
her level of submission
to Him is evident in the
way she submits to her
husband. Similarly,
every husband has a
unique opportunity to be
married to Jesus Christ
in the flesh because
Christ also comes in the
flesh through the wife
(1 John 4:2)! Both the
husband and wife should
be producing abundant
spiritual fruit in their
life and marriage, and
this is done effectively
when the roles within
marriage are
meticulously applied and
God is kept in the
center of the
relationship. Husbands
and wives must strive to
produce positive fruit
in their lives, so that
both can feed off each
other’s fruit! This is
what marriage is all
about!
It takes lots of hard
work, study and prayer
for a Proverbs 31 wife
to fulfill her role.
However, while Proverbs
31 gives detailed
instruction on the
responsibilities of a
wife, it should also
serve to engrave in
every members mind that
our Christian calling
entails very hard work!
Whether male or female
members in the Church we
are the bride of Christ
and each of us must
submit to Him! It takes
lots of hard work, study
and prayer for each of
us to build the
character God the Father
wants to see in His
Son’s bride! Christ
wants to see that we are
individually and
collectively working
hard now to
prepare ourselves
spiritually for our
forthcoming marriage. He
wants to see that we are
resisting Satan,
overcoming and
applying His Word in
detail. Each of us must
make a conscientious
effort to come out of
our comfort zones and
seize the little time
left before the return
of Christ to ensure a
place in His Family.
We are on the threshold
of being born into the
family of God! How has
this fact positively
affected our marriages
and families? Do we
display a sense of
urgency in the way we
implement our roles
within the family? Let
us make ourselves
ready because Christ
will not marry a
‘laid-back’ wife (Matt.
24:46; Luke 12:43)!
Christ wants a Proverbs
31 wife having the
characteristics outlined
in the Word of God!
Christ clearly desires a
capable, motivated,
industrious, wife that
revolves around Him! How
are we faring?
“Let us be glad and
rejoice, and give honour
to him: for the marriage
of the Lamb is come, and
His wife hath made
herself ready” (Rev
19:7).
(To be continued)
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