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Marriage a physical
union but a divine
institution (Pt. 3)
Frank Borg
So far, we have taken a
look at the role of a
husband and a wife in
marriage and family. As
we did that, we very
briefly touched upon
their roles as father
and mother, but need to
do this in greater
detail as we look into
the roles of children
within the family.
When we deeply
understand the role of
parents, it should help
us understand God’s plan
in a more profound way.
The role of parents
should help us to better
understand God the
Father, Christ the Son
and the purpose of His
Church. A careful study
of John 3 shows that the
human reproductive
process points to a
wonderful spiritual
parallel. On the
spiritual level, God
begins the process by
calling us: “No man can
come to me, except the
Father which hath sent
me draw him” (John
6:44). Once God calls,
the individual is
nourished through the
Church (our spiritual
mother). The Church is
the spiritual
organism that feeds
spiritual food to
begotten children as
they are being trained
to be future God beings.
It is the function of
the Church, the
spiritual mother, to
help develop holy
righteous character in
those whom God has
called. In the
physical family, the
father impregnates, then
the child is fed in the
womb through the mother
– who, in turn, is
nourished by her husband
the father in the
family! Both parents
have active roles and
responsibilities,
physically and
spiritually, in raising
and nurturing their
children. The main goal
for parents is to
prepare their children
to enter the family of
God.
The concept of
fatherhood comes out of
the mind of God the
Father; he is central
to the family unit. John
1:18 states: “No man
hath seen God at
anytime; the only
begotten Son, which
is in the bosom of the
Father…”. Christ is
in the bosom of His
Father! This
demonstrates the most
intimate relationship
a father and his child
could hope for! It is a
relationship that God so
desires to extend to us,
if we allow Him.
God the Father has a
strong desire and a
craving for this
intimate relationship.
This is what the
fulfillment of His plan
looks forward to.
Physically speaking,
this should be the kind
of relationship and
intimacy that a father
wants with his sons and
daughters. However, how
many fathers are able to
inspire this kind of
devotion from their
children? How many
strive for this level of
intimacy? This strikes
right at the heart of
what it means to be good
parents. Again, this is
what God’s master plan
is about – family, and
intimacy within that
family!
Ever since the beginning
of the creation of man,
the family has
increasingly been under
attack. Satan has tried
many different tricks to
chip away at the
responsibilities of
fatherhood within the
home. He has
consistently tried to
diminish the role and
effectiveness of the
father. He does this
because of the spiritual
parallel that fatherhood
represents. The father
is the center point of
the family and this is
what Satan is trying to
destroy by developing
upside-down families! In
this end time, Satan has
even managed to deceive
the Laodiceans into
rejecting their
spiritual Father by
rejecting His voice (Mal
1:6)! We must constantly
be alert and vigilant
and not allow this to
happen to us! God the
Father must be esteemed
greatly and the way we
teach our children to do
this largely depends on
how the (physical)
father fulfills his role
within the family! If a
father is to be
effective, he should
aspire to fulfill the
physical role of God the
Father in his family
unit. A father must
remember that he is in
the place of God the
Father to his children.
His positive example
helps them relate to,
and honor, God. This is
the reality and
responsibility fathers
are faced with! The
better fathers do their
job, the easier it is
for their children to
relate to, and come to
know, God! Matthew 5:48
should be the standard
that fathers aim for:
“Be ye therefore
perfect, even as your
Father which is in
heaven is perfect”.
The love relationship
within a family begins
with the love of a
father. If administered
properly, a father’s
love will flow through
to his wife (the mother)
and to his children --
and back! God’s law of
love is the foundation
of a strong family unit.
Parents cannot force
their children to love
them, but children will
naturally love their
parents back if their
parents love them first!
This principle is
outlined in 1 John 4:19:
“We love Him because He
first loved us”. Parents
must set the example
first! God’s way of life
is encapsulated in the
law of love (1 John
4:7-9) which must be
exemplified by the
parents! If a child
‘loves’ one of his/her
parents more than the
other, the parents
should question the
proper implementation of
the law of love within
the family unit – from
the top down.
Disciplining children in
love is a most important
ingredient of the law of
love. Without discipline
children are alienated
from their parents and
also from God! It is
important for parents to
strike the right balance
between love and
discipline. If there is
too much discipline,
children will grow to be
hostile and resentful.
For this not to happen,
parents must be careful
not to correct out of
frustration, but out of
love. Fathers must not
be unjust in their
disciplining: “Fathers,
provoke not your
children to anger,
lest they be discouraged”.
Punishments should fit
the crime! This
demonstrates parents
implementing godly
love in action.
Children need to
recognize this quality
in parenting skills as
it points them to God!
John 1:18 is an
important scripture
which parents must
meditate upon: “No man
hath seen God at
anytime; the only
begotten Son, which is
in the bosom of the
Father, He hath
declared Him” (Strongs
1834). Christ
‘declared’ His Father!
Strongs concordance
tells us that the word
‘declared’ means ‘to
consider, rehearse, and
tell’! Christ
‘considered’ His Father!
This means He thought
about His Father and
believed Him! He
‘rehearsed’ and applied
His Fathers will! We
could clearly see this
in the example Christ
set before us (1 Peter
2:21). Importantly He
‘told’ others about God
and His plan and was
able to advise those He
came into contact with
because of the wisdom
obtained from His
Father! How do we, as
fathers, measure up to
this example of teaching
and loving our children?
Do we, as fathers,
ensure that we do our
utmost to set the right
example? Do we advise
with godly wisdom? How
intimately do we love
our children? Also, how
close do our children
come to fulfilling their
part of John 1:18? Do
they ‘declare’ us, as
fathers, by considering
our counsel, applying it
and setting the right
example for others to
see? It all begins with
how well fathers are
fulfilling their roles!
As the children’s link
to their forefathers,
fathers have to set the
example and point
children to God first
(1 John 4:19; Mal 4:6),
the rest will follow.
Fathers are commanded to
teach and declare the
law of God to their
children (Ps. 78:5-7).
Family Bible Study a
number of times a week
is important to achieve
this, while parents
should constantly
outline and explain
biblical principles with
their children as they
arise in daily life
situations.
God the Father asks us
to talk to Him as much
as possible and as often
as possible. He wants us
to talk to Him
without ceasing (1
Thess. 5:17; Matt. 7:7)!
He wants us to take our
petitions, grievances,
hopes and desires to
Him. God wants to hear
everything we have to
tell Him! This indicates
a high level of intimacy
– one which physical
fathers should strive to
attain with their
children. How attentive
are we, as fathers, to
our children, their
needs and requests? Do
we say ‘no’ to our
children before they
even finish their
requests, or because
they always seem to have
so much to say and ask?
Are we understanding
parents, giving good
advice, consolation and
comfort (2 Thess
2:16-17)? Do we give our
children the attention
they need to feel loved
and secure? If we lack
in these areas, the
results could be quite
negative. (More on
this later).
As already mentioned,
the Church is a
spiritual organism that
nourishes the begotten
members of His family.
The Church is
instrumental in the
development of the
begotten children of
God. On the physical
level, a mother’s role
is also instrumental
within the family. She
is responsible for
nourishing, comforting
(Is. 66:13), and
teaching her children
(Prov. 1:8, Prov. 29:15;
Prov. 6:20). This is
emphasized in Proverbs
10:1 where it states: “A
wise son makes a father
glad, but a foolish son
is the heaviness of his
mother”. Ultimately this
responsibility falls on
both of the parents! A
mother must fulfill her
responsibilities under
the direction and
guidance of her husband.
She is the primary
nurturer, helping the
father to raise future
God beings and royalty
(Ps. 45:16). The mother
carries much authority,
more so when the father
is away from the home,
and children
disrespecting her in any
way must be corrected.
If and when this
happens, fathers should
step in immediately! In
ancient Israel,
unrepentant children
falling into this
pitfall were stoned
(Deut. 21:18-21)! This
is how serious God views
children disrespecting
their parents! The
father must support the
mother’s role because
her role is honorable
and irreplaceable (Prov.
30:11). Each member of
the family must
understand this.
Spiritually speaking,
the ministry has the
responsibility to feed
the membership,
otherwise it results in
‘heaviness of the
mother’, or the Church
(Prov. 10:1). There is a
wonderful parallel
between the physical and
spiritual family from
which there is so much
to glean and learn! What
kind of example do we
set for our children
spiritually (John
13:15)? Do we think and
act like Christ (Phil.
2:5)? The positive,
Christ-like, example
which we set is a gift
that we can give them.
Giving our children time
and a positive example
is the most powerful
demonstration of love
that we could offer them
(Prov. 22:6). If they
are neglected or not
given positive examples,
the results will be
negative: “And I will
give children to be
their princes, and babes
shall rule over them.
And the people shall be
oppressed, everyone by
another, and every one
by his neighbor: the
child shall behave
himself proudly against
the ancient, and the
base against the
honourable” (Is.
3:4-5).
God instructs children
to obey their parents
(Eph. 6:1). “Honour thy
father and thy mother”
(Ex. 20:12). This law
establishes strong,
united, happy families.
Because parents
represent God within the
family, they are given
an exalted office, and
as such, children are
commanded to ‘honor’ or
esteem them. Children
must never neglect their
duties towards their
parents whatever their
age or situation (Matt.
15:3-6). Children who
apply the fifth
commandment are promised
a wonderful reward:
“That it may be well
with thee, and thou
mayest live long on the
earth” (Exodus 20:12).
It is right for children
to obey their parents
(Eph 6:1), and God
always rewards good!
God’s people have an
awesome responsibility,
honor, and privilege to
have such a deep
understanding of
marriage and family!
Through His inspired
Word He has ensured we
have detailed
instruction on the roles
of every family member.
It is our responsibility
to continue digging into
the Bible to find out
what more is expected of
us and, importantly, to
ensure we apply His
instruction with His
help! This will lead to
the edifying the family
unit.
Family points to
something so meaningful
and significant on the
spiritual plain. It is
something we should
never take lightly! God
requires strong, healthy
families that can teach
‘family’ to others,
especially in the World
Tomorrow! We not only
need to be skilled in
‘family’, we must be
experts in this
field if we are to teach
it successfully – and
now is the time to get
it right!
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